Wanted: The Perfect Horse
Skimming the equine classifieds can offer comic relief for anyone who has ever bought or sold a horse.
By Kelli Neubert
July 6, 2018
When I was younger, I would fiddle around with writing poetry. It was never anything notable nor particularly clever, but I always had fun trying to put words together in a poetic format.
I haven’t been inspired to do so in quite some time, but I’ve been particularly amused lately by the “In Search Of” ads on equine social media pages. The subject matter also seems to be a theme of phone calls and emails that I receive regarding anything I may have for sale in my barn. I hope it is met with good humor and a chuckle.
ISO-Horse For Sale
So many things to consider and know
When picking a horse on which your saddle you’ll throw
He’s got to have withers and a back that is strong
But I don’t want it short, or for gosh sake too long
His hocks must be low and his neck should curve high
With a little doll head and a heart full of try
He should travel like water, so fluid and smooth
And folks will all say “Wow, how pretty he moves!"
Surefooted and able, intelligent, kind
With stamina, speed and a sensible mind
His hip should be stout and he holds a rope tight
Should we get in a wreck, why, he’s always alright
He’s a show pen veteran, solid and fair
If we’re out of the money, it’s just pilot error
His hard, barefoot feet travel perfectly straight
As he trots down the fence to meet me at the gate
Athletic and pretty – he’s got papers no less
And his sire and dam boast of only the best
Yes, when choosing my horse, he’s got to rise the top
A phenomenal gelding, the cream of the crop
I want refinement and brains and cowsense and bone…
Oh who am I kidding, I just want a roan.